My Bucket List is Missing a Word!

And I would love some help figuring out what it is, if you don’t mind. : )

I was bringing Daisy in off the pasture today and it struck me that none of the words on my list cover the feeling I get when I’m with horses. It’s something like reverence or awe, with beautiful and happy and fulfilled mixed in; it’s demanding of me and exhilarating, yet it fills me with peace, and there’s never been anything else in my life that makes me feel this way.

I took these pics in the moment this afternoon and I know if I could just name whatever is in my eyes, my list would be complete.

Any suggestions?

Fall

According to the calendar,

It’s summer still,

But the breeze last week advised

Otherwise.

Soft and cool

She whispered across my cheeks

“It’s time . . .”

And it wasn’t just me she told

But the leaves and the horses and the butterflies

By now, they all know

And soon the woods will turn every color

Before it all falls away to black and white.

Nature’s empty room—

Winter.

I have been doing more and talking less

These past several months

But along with the weather

I can feel myself about to turn,

cool, and shift

closer

to the words I need to write.

100 Old Poems Rewritten into 1

Walking through old words
I see the same ones
over and over and over
just rearranged
carefully scattered
and strung again
to avoid being caught
at being the same poem
I wrote a hundred times
if I wrote it even once.

It wasn’t very good.

As heavy and slow
as the number of times I wrote
“heavy” and “slow.”
“Beating hearts” and “blood in veins”
as tired as the word “tired” became.
“Wandering, disconnected, lost,
broken, seething, pooling, secrets, unspoken”
over and over and over
and yet
I fooled no one.

If I could write it again now
it would go like this:

I am afraid
I might be worthless.